{Lord, I Believe}

Tomorrow night we go to the hospital to start the induction. At this point we are bursting with so many emotions! After all the kick-counting, doctor visits, ultrasounds, biophysical profiles, and non-stress testing, the big day is finally almost here! I love how the nurses know my name by heart and the workers in the hospital parking garage know me too. They all tell me to bring the baby by after he's born so they can meet him and I replay, "okay" with a gulp and then I think, I'm I really going to have a baby to bring by to show you?! Everyone tells us it's all going to be fine, that everything will go perfect. But so far in our lives, we only know one type of ending when it comes to having a baby.

I trust that everything will go fine, though, and I hope for that, but after what we've experienced, we lack a perfect knowledge of that happening and still battle fear. It reminds me of Elder Holland's amazing talk, "Lord, I Believe." I have had this talk on replay some days, it's just too perfect. We have a belief that everything will go well, but we still have unbelief; our knowledge isn't perfect. The only knowledge we have in regards to having a baby is not bringing one home---our faith is limited. But, we do have faith in some things we know for sure: that we have done all we can do to ensure this baby gets here safely, and that Heavenly Father is ultimately in charge. I keep reminding myself of these things I know, so that when the fear and worry and disbelief enter my mind, I can build on the faith I already have. 

Travis is finishing his last final today and I have so much love for that man! He has such a good heart and has had just the same fears and anxieties that I have had this whole time. And yet through it all, he has been working hard in school and staying as steady as a rock for our little family. Every single day has been a process to get through---to believe, to feel at peace, to replace fear with faith.

This baby is going to enter this world with a mom and dad who had to exert more of our belief and faith in what we do know to endure to the end of this, amidst our doubts, fears, and unbeliefs, than I thought would ever be necessary during a pregnancy. And I can't wait to tell him all about it!