{jake's birth story}

Only one heartbeat when there should have been two. I had heard that before back on February 4, 2013---just my heartbeat and not my baby's. That moment was completely revisited on December 14, 2013 when Jake came into this world.

Jake's arrival into this world happened differently than I had imagined. We envisioned it would be peaceful and happy with good tears, but for the first little bit it came with quite the opposite.

Everything went well up until the pushing phase. In fact, I dilated so quickly while getting everything started that we were able to start pitocin right away, rather than have to ripen my cervix all night as originally planned.

While dialating so many memories were brought back from the first time I went through this. Travis, on the couch, me wide awake breathing through pains and contractions all through the night, finally deciding when to get the epidural. The differences this time were one that there was hope, and two, that my eyes were glued to the heart rate monitor showing our baby's heart rate. This time I needed to get the baby out still breathing and I had never done that before which scared me! I was well aware that contractions can put babies under stress, especially when being induced with pitocin. I literally could not look away from the screen. I would ask the nurse all about the heart rate dips and told her that I was completely fine with an emergency c-section at any moment if anything looked at all wrong! After a good majority of the night, I had the nurse turn the machine finally and turn down the noise of his heartbeat. Every acceleration and deceleration was almost too much to handle. In my mind a baby's heart rate can go from normal range to zero in a matter of a second. 

I got the epidural when I was dialated to around 5 centimeters. A couple hours later, I kept telling my nurse I felt kind of different and asked to be checked. Sure enough, his head was right there and it was pushing time! Travis and I could not stop smiling. It came a lot faster than we had expected. I pushed for 40 minutes. Everything went really well for probably 30 of those minutes. 

Travis was holding one of my legs and he saw some blood coming out of two spots on Jake's head along with the doctors and combined with the memories of Elaine Raquel's delivery that were so fresh, it all made Travis almost pass out. He was told to go sit on the couch and watch from there. So Travis left to the couch and another nurse came to hold my other leg. He was pale as a ghost. I was trying not to panic. 

And then the second scariest moment of my life happened when in a really confusing, blurry moment, the nurse could only find one heartbeat. It was a really high heart rate...but they knew my heart was still beating and couldn't find our baby's. All I saw was the nurse shake her head "no" to the doctor and it was a sure panic moment. I said a silent prayer---Heavenly Father, I NEED to get this baby out NOW. It was too late for an emergency c-section or anything. I was terrified. Travis was looking over at me with sure panic and fear on his face as well. I had to get him out. So I pushed a few more times and he came out! 

He looked exactly like Elaine Raquel when he was born. No movement, no crying, nothing. His coloring was the same as hers. They looked identical. They put him on my chest for a couple seconds while they quickly cut the cord and I kept saying over and over again, cry for me, baby. Nothing.

I looked at Travis and we were sure he was gone. It was a moment where a past experience was becoming real all over again---and it was terrifying. I kept asking the doctor over and over, is he okay?? Is he breathing?! They were quiet and I could tell tensions were high from everything. They took him over to the table and rubbed him down a bit and we finally heard a tiny noise. My heart was racing. Eventually they told me everything was okay and he was alive! He never really cried until his first bath though! The only way to describe it all was shock. 

After seeing some dermatologists and the pediatrician, we found out Jake was born with a rare genetic condition where a little piece of skin on his scalp didn't close---the skin is like a zipper and his didn't fully zip in two little places. Now they just are two tiny scars of skin and are completely fine, but for our hospital stay we were terrified. We didn't know what it was then and it looked painful and scary. We are so thankful that it is just a little cosmetic mark and nothing more serious. But, combined with his scary entrance into this world, we were in shock for a while after his birth and it didn't sink in for a while that he was alive and that he would get to stay with us.

And how thankful I am that he gets to stay. Our pediatrician says some babies, when exiting the womb, come out quiet and non-responsive and it's completely fine, they just need a little waking up. 

I've wondered why it went like it did. Why couldn't he just come out screaming and why could they only hear one heart rate for a bit? Was his heart not beating at the end of pushing? Why did it have to be scary? Why did he have skin missing? That all I will never know, but I do feel like Heavenly Father was once again teaching us that He is in control, and that our faith in that moment had to be literally fused together with the faith we so desperately relied on earlier that year in a different delivery room. 

Jake is our faith baby. Our miracle baby.