{2 years}

Time is such as strange thing! February 4th has come and gone again, for the second time! Life seemed to start over for us on February 4th, 2013 when Elaine Raquel was born. We were so excited to bring her home, to watch her grow, to raise her---and when all of those dreams were shattered, life seemed start over in a completely different way. 

I still remember like yesterday that somewhat "dark" time after her birth. I felt like I was on the verge of tears every second of every day. We ended up just putting tissues in our pillow cases so we wouldn't have to get out of bed to get any! Genius. I had quit my full-time job just the weekend before February 4th, expecting to have some down time before our little girl's due-date. Now that I was job-less both from my previous full-time job, and from what would have been my job to have a child here to raise, I tried to keep busy. Travis and I didn't leave each other's side much. I would go to campus with him {I graduated the year before} and would do online photography classes, freelance editing, and other things while I waited outside his classes. And then thanks to Trav's amazing inspiration I became a temple worker and spent 10 hours a week in the very place that brought the most peace and light to a difficult time. Although it was hard and dark, there was always an underlying sense of peace and hope. The spirit is what kept us afloat. I'll never forget the enormous outpouring of love from friends, family and strangers. Or the thousands of prayers that carried us through. It was hard, it's still hard---there will always be a missing piece right now in our family! But there have been blessings, so many blessings through it all.

We like to still celebrate her on February 4th and hopefully teach her siblings a bit about life because of her.Travis doesn't like cake---but who doesn't have cake on their birthday? So I made this funfetti deliciousness and then ate most of it of course. And Jake. He helped me a lot.

We had flowers sent to American Fork, UT and had they were placed on her grave.

In a last minute change during labor, Travis looked at me and we both switched our minds on her name. Especially given the circumstances, Elaine Raquel Dyer just fit. Elaine is my Grandma Garlick and Raquel is Travis' Grandma Dyer. They were two amazing women and both had previously passed away. 

This face though. All day long. He is so much fun! He brings so much happiness to our lives.

He still loves to give kisses. Wonder how long that will last.

One of the highlights of the day was showing Jake his sister's things one by one. The hospital was amazing and did hand and footprints and molds. We also have the blanket she was wrapped in, hats, bow and clothes. There are also ultrasound pictures in the box, our hospital bands, and a little bracelet she was given at the hospital. This special box is something that we will always get out and remember her with. Looking at Jake's face while holding her hand mold makes me wonder if he knows more then we think.